Friday, June 5, 2009

Confession Time

For the majority of my life, I was a Yankee. That didn't make me bad, but it did make me pale. Very, very pale. Almost translucent. I made Jim Gaffigan look like he had a deep dark tan.

I also rarely wore shorts up there because it never seemed warm enough. Hey, we took our parkas off at the end of July. And we put them back on September 1.

But now I am a southern belle (try not to choke on that one!) experiencing long, hot summers. Which I believe begin the end of February and last until November.

With these kind of temperatures wearing long denim pants every day starts to get to a person. As a concession I decided to begin wearing capri's (goofy pants) while I am out in the gardens.

Since my house is on a bad curve, on a fairly busy road, I felt it was my responsibility to not blind anyone with my shining whiteness. Knowing that I could spend 12 hours in the direct sunshine and come away with nothing more than a slight (hah!) burn, I realized I would have to take some kind of action. Unnatural action. Yes, you got it, tan-in-a-can.

I read the blurbs on the can.

"Flawless, natural looking tan...Easy to apply...Streak free formula."

Huh. Just spray on, stand not touching anything until it is dried, and you will be transformed into a sun goddess before the dawn of another day. Sign me up.

I sprayed my legs. I was concerned that it might have all gone in one direction (vertically) so I sprayed the other way too. Front and back. Waited until it was dry and then went to bed knowing it would be gorgeous by morning.

Oh baby, and it was. Deep, golden brown. A color rarely seen in nature but never on my legs. Yeah!

That was the front. The back? Apparently it wasn't completely dry when I went to bed. Mostly white spots with a few long streaks of gold here and there. Sexy.

So jeans it is. At least for the next week or so. Perhaps all the sweating will make the color come off that much quicker!


Ella said...

In the words of the Wedding Planner, "Lemon juice on a loofa sponge--scrub, scrub, scrub."
Thanks for making us laugh!!!

Misfit in Paradise said...

Thank you for the tip. Good to know.

Sparrow's Ramblings said...

Laughing so hard at your plight! You are something else you know this??

Misfit in Paradise said...

I showed Judy my tan. She really didn't have to laugh quite so hard!

annest said...

I can attest that the blinding white is definitely gone....and it really looks pretty good!

LivingDeadNurse said...

Muah muah lol I can actually see the color...great post.

i have done that myself with the jergen rub in kind. I apparently didn't rub it in right at my feet and i had to avoid flip flops for a few weeks

LivingDeadNurse said...

oh yea i was a yankee and then converted into a southern myself. btw stop by my site and grab your award on the my 8 blog