Aargh!

Ladybug, ladybug fly away home,
Your house is on fire and your children are gone...


I used to hate that rhyme. I felt so sorry for the poor, cute, harmless little red bug.

The gardening people tell us that ladybugs are wonderful little critters who are extremely beneficial for our gardens. That if we see them in our houses, we should put a stocking over the end of the vacuum and gently scoop them up so we can release them back outside. Unless it is winter and then we should let them reside in our homes until spring.

You know what? Ladybugs lose their charm when you grind their bodies into the floor on your way to the bathroom at 4 am. Or when you go to take a sip of your coffee and discover that it has become a swimming pool for several of them. If you are lucky, you will discover that before you have swallowed them.

They taste awful (trust me). They stink when you suck them up in the vacuum. They wait until you get the bathtub filled and then drop in en masse. When they climb into the light fixtures, they give off a horrible odor as their corpses sizzle under the light bulbs. They leave trails of something (don't let it be what I think it is) all over the ceiling.

So please ladybug, fly away home. But not to MY HOME. Or I may have to take a flamethrower to you and your marvelous children.